are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
