i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
