Need sex. Gaining weight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
