I wanna passion pit in your ass
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
