Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
