What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
