Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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