I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
