I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
