You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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