im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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