he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
