Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
