im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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