To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
