you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
