The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
