she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
