Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
