Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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