the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
