I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
