bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
