Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
