mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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