Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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