I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
