You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
