I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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