I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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