They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
