I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
