toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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