We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
