soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
