you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
