I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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