I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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