he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
