i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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