dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
