I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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