I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
