The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
