Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
