apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
