The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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