Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
