I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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