So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
